|
Currently unfinished
Dear Mom,
Its been a while since we spoke. How many months now? I lost count after the first 4, I mean of course we talked and I saw you time to time but I don't think it was you I was speaking to. I wish things ended better the last time, I hate leaving you alone. Was this my fault? Was I to blame? I tried to help you from this lifeless plauge that you live in. It spread fast and went straight to my head. All the fighting went straight to my head and that's where I want to stay. I was suicidal once, I bet you didn't know. Too caught up in you're own problems that you had. Younger than 13 and wanting to die. Remember when I stopped eating and was scared of everything? That was the time when it was the worst. This has fucked with me head, I spend my time writing shit that no one will read hoping I'll make something of myself. My hopeless art I spend hours on makes me happy but I don't think you get how I think. I love you mom, I really do you don't deserve to live the way you do. You were happy once, I remember those times. You looked like a mother, you could buy yourself nice things and not be in debt, you didn't have to eat pain pills everyday. You were fucking happy. I wish I knew why you stayed with him, why you tortured yourself daily by being around someone you hate. Hate is a strong word and I don't think you really know how to use it properly because you are still with the hated. I'm so fucking mad at you, you promised me it was over that we could be happy. I want you have a life, a good job. I want you to be fucking happy. The things I say are so useless though, maybe if you listened to me and got out why you had the chance. You've had so many perfect fucking chances. Can't you see everyone has turned on you mom because you've turned on them first. How many times have you disapointed me, left me with nothing so you can get him something. I don't know if I'm selfish or you're selfish. No matter how much you make me think I hate your guts and you throw me out because your love life is more important I always forgive you. I needed you mom, I needed you when I was 11 and I still need you now. I'm not done being a kid and you're not done being a mother. I'm 16 now mom, I'm growing up and how much of me have you missed in the past 8 years because you were to busy loving and fighting him, worrying if he was going to beat you. I shouldn't have to worry about my mom dying every other day because her boyfriend beats her and she eats pain pills. That's so fucking selfish mom. You always drag me along with you so he doesn't kill you, that didn't stop him from hitting you infront of me so what with stop him from breaking your neck? Years I've been a witness to the worst, I'm doing great I wish I could say the same about you.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
haggard_life13's journal
Previous
blank